Ladies and Gentlemen

Charleston has a broad mix of people.  We have a few hipsters, some hippies, the surfers who are not to be confused with the skateboarders, sorority girls, prepsters, and last but not least, the frat stars.  Fraternity boys are always from the South.  Their outfits are complete with Southern Tide croakies on their Ray Ban sunglasses, seersucker shorts, Southern Proper belts, button down Ralph Lauren shirts, bow ties, and top-siders with no socks.  They wear Easter pastels year round and if they are pledging, they might have a neon fanny pack below their developing beer belly guts. They have a sizable confederate flag hanging as the focal point of their living rooms, which you best not negatively comment on if you know what’s good for you.  These men are today’s sad version of Southern gentlemen. They pride themselves on how much they can drink and how many women they sleep with.  What happened to chivalry?  Opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking on the outside of the sidewalk—where is that?  I asked a boy one time at a party where all the supposed southern gentlemen were at this school.  He hocked a loogie, which is disgusting in itself, and replied “what do you mean? We’re all f***in’ southern gentlemen here, we’re Kappa Sigs!” Oh, excuse me, how did I not see that?  So because I clearly didn’t understand what it truly meant to be a real “Southern Gentleman”, I did a little research.  Here is what I found:

Today’s Southern Gents

·      Love football more than life itself.

·      Drink Jack and coke or shots of whisky or bourbon.

·      Are adept at having at least two girl friends at once without allowing the girls to know.

·      Must be able to look like a complete idiot but appear to have the utmost confidence.

·      Must curse profusely, especially in front of girls.

·      Appear to genuinely care about what the girl they’re talking to is saying while they are checking out the girl sitting three seats away.  Adding such phrases as “you’re so right” and “yeah, me too” would suffice.

·      Are loud and rowdy at all times.  If you’re not trying to fight someone, you aren’t having a good enough time.  Man points if you actually fight someone.  Extra man points and a beer on your “bro” (pronounced ‘bra”) if you win the fight.

·      Talk the talk and walk the walk.  These boys work the southern drawl and slow paced walk because it looks and feels so good. 

·      Say ma’am a lot.  It at least sounds respectful.

·      Know how to sing and play guitar.  There is nothing girls like better than getting serenaded at night after they’re had a few drinks and are thinking that that country song could not possibly have been written for anyone else.  Easy.  So easy.

·      Compliment girls often enough so that they feel good, but spread them out enough so that each one seems special.  Tell her she looks beautiful or that you like that weird looking shirt she’s wearing—you can’t see the shape of her body and it’s a terrible color, but at least it’s low cut. 

·      Balance acting like a complete asshole and the sweetest person you have ever met.  That way, you can get away with more.

I learned that the biggest difference between Northern guys and Southern guys wasn’t exactly a difference in upbringing with different standards.  People view the southerners as being far superior to the northerners for manners.  I disagree.  Southern boys may have a few manners drilled into their heads, but it doesn’t mean anything if their actions aren’t sincere.  In fact they are simply using their many charming qualities to manipulate and seduce women at all times.  Northern guys do the same thing, but they are not as good at hiding their true intentions.  So I ask you, which would you prefer? A Southern gentleman or a Northern man? 






Shoutout to the ginger locked one for tonight's topic.  If anyone has questions about Southern customs that they want addressed, please don't hesitate to contact me about it.  I'll see if I can delve further into any questions or concerns you may have and shed some light on the answers.