All About Steve

I remember my first time going to Walmart.  What a glorious day that was.  I met an inimitable young man there who was such a gem.  My mother and I asked him if he knew where the lamps where.  He grabbed my hand and we began frolicking through the store, weaving in and out of aisles of toilet paper, kitchen supplies, and overweight people who were dressed so nicely. We finally arrived at the electrical units and he reached for his favorite one.  His name was Steve.  The lamp was just right.  It was a desk lamp that could be perfectly situated on any flat surface and had three settings. He said I would look perfect in its light. Sigh.  He proceeded to whip out his outdated cell phone and asked if I had a Facebook. Steve was such a charmer.  It’s too bad I was in my right mind and lied and said “No, I’m not very good with technology…hah…ha…stupid me…damn.”  I think we really could have had something.

Steve was the very first Southern boy I met in South Carolina.  He proceeded to follow me around the store occasionally popping out at me saying “PEEK-A-BOO!”  I would laugh half-heartedly and say, “…you got me!”  It’s amazing the kind of people you meet in a store like Walmart.  Unfortunately, it was my first experience.  I can’t believe I never thought to go to a giant discount store for fun before.  I don’t know if anyone has ever visited the ‘People of Walmart’ website, but if you haven’t, you should forget the website and just come to South Carolina.  You don’t necessarily have to go a Walmart though, Target makes for great people watching in SC too.  There is a woman who works at one of the registers who always has a different elaborate hair-do.  I remember one time her hair was situated in literally a beehive complete with honeycomb sides and a few words written on the back.  My first question is how does one go about situating your hair so that there is writing in it?  And honeycombs??  My second question is how does one sleep with that kind of hair-do and not mess it up?  She had the same hair-do for a good couple of weeks, how did she not mess it up? That’s just impressive.

Moral of the story: if you enjoy people watching and meeting new friends for life, go to a large store that sells discounted items.  Preferably in the South.  Maybe one day you can meet someone like Steve and live happily ever after.

Also, enjoy the photo, it’s a pretty good representation of the kinds of people you might meet if you’re lucky enough. 

Tomorrow’s post will explain the components of a true “Southern Gentleman.”