Thank God it is finally December. For all of you who have never heard of “No Shave November”, good for you. Before I came to the South, I had never heard of the epic events that is “No Shave November.” It is the month in the year that guys get away with not shaving whatever amount of facial hair they have. For men, November marks the time of the year they can be really manly men. Funnily enough, only a select few know what the actual significant of “No Shave November” is. In an attempt to raise awareness for prostate cancer, November was dedicated to men, just as October is dedicated to women by means of Breast Cancer Awareness month. The deal was that men would get sponsored to not shave for an entire month. The longer your beard and the longer you postponed shaving, the more money you raised for prostate cancer research. However, like the game of telephone, the event was spread around, but the details and actual context were not. What was meant to be a fundraising event for a cause is now a month dedicated to men being manly. Whoopee. It’s funny how women can easily spread around several events such as the “I like it on my….”, which was to show where women like to put their bags once they walk inside their homes, or the “Save the Ta-Ta’s” and men can’t even get the details right of something so simple. But that’s another topic that I won’t get into.
Now you can technically celebrate not shaving any month of the year with “Don’t Shave December”, “Just Don’t Shave January”, “Forget to Shave February”, “Masculine March”, “Atrocious April”, “Manly May” and so on. April definitely describes the event in the best way though. The amount of trash stashes and horrible, HORRIBLE, untamed beards I see around here are so atrocious that I feel obliged to buy every man on campus a razor and then pay them to shave. The worst is that a lot of guys can’t actually grow full beards yet. Do they honestly think girls can’t tell that that little patch of hair growing on the bottom left side of their face doesn’t stretch to the other? What are we, blind? It looks like they got distracted shaving and then just forgot to finish….really? Another thing, I don’t want to see you stroking your scratchy beard at all hours of the day. What if girls decided not to shave any part of their bodies and we started playing with our unshaved underarm hair? Still think we’re so attractive? NOPE.
Man on the left: ew.
No you don't look nearly as cool as you think you do.
............Need I say more?
So please, if you are a male and you are reading this blog, do no participate in any of these events. I will not think of you as any less of a man, in fact I will probably find you way more attractive than any of your friends (at the time). The whole thing is so incredibly stupid and frankly, a little grotesque. I propose to make the months “Necessary to Shave November”, “Definitely Shave December”, “Just Shave January”, “Fabulously Shaven February”, and so on. I really think the world will be a better place.
